Creating Better Relationships

Author: Reach Joe

The most important achievements you can ever have in this life is your own happiness.

And the majority of all the happiness you will ever have, will come from your personal relationships. Your interactions and the time you spend with the people you care about will be the major source of the pleasure, enjoyment, and satisfaction you have on a daily basis.

The key to a happy family life is communication and the amount of time you spend with the people you love. It is not the quality of time, but the quantity of time that counts. The expression "quality time" is used by people to justify and excuse the fact that their lives are so disorganized that they do not spend much time with their spouse or their children. The fact is, that quality time is a function of quantity. Quality moments are those little moments that are precious, unexpected, and important. They arise during the process of spending a large quantity of uninterrupted time with another person. You can’t dictate these moments in advance and you can’t decide to have quality time. You don’t go to it. It comes to you.

There are many ways to get the greatest amount of quality and happiness from your relationships with the members of your family. Perhaps the most important is to spend uninterrupted time with your spouse on a daily basis. You should set aside time together each night to talk after your children have gone to bed. But, it is equally important for you and your spouse to take some time every morning to communicate and interact as well.

Studies have shown that one of the most important things a man can do in a marriage is to help out with the various household and family responsibilities. Help prepare the meals, or take over the responsibility of cleaning up afterward. Help to get the children ready for school or for their activities, and take them there personally so that you can have one-on-one time with them.

One of the most important things that couples can do is to spend the first 30 to 60 minutes after work talking about how their day went. When they come home, many men have the habit of talking about their own days and then watching the television or reading the newspaper, while their wife is left to deal with the children and prepare dinner. And this inevitably causes stress and problems in the relationship.

The key to your emotional stability, and peace of mind is happiness and harmony within your family. So if you’re a man, take the time to ask your wife about her day and then listen to all the things that she has to deal with before you start talking about your day. Most men are surprised when they first do this. They find that their wife’s day has been equally as interesting as their day has been, if not far more interesting.

One of the most common problems in any relationship is stress. Stress often comes about because we think we know our spouse really well. This knowledge can become a dangerous thing. It can become a communications trap and cause a great deal of stress in a relationship. A communications trap is when we try to read our spouse’s mind and then interpret and anticipate what he or she is feeling.

For example, we will often see an expression on our spouse’s face that we think we recognize or we think we hear something in his or her voice, and then we act on what we assume he or she is thinking or feeling. But, often, these assumptions aren’t reflective of what our spouse is actually feeling. In other words, we’re acting on misinformation.

It is important in any relationship to be able to distinguish between fantasy and reality. Between what you actually see and hear, and what you imagine or assume you see and hear. Just because your spouse might have a frown on his or her face, don’t automatically assume something is wrong. He or she might just be thinking or contemplating about something. And if you keep pushing to find out what is wrong, you will often cause unnecessary stress and a problem.

If you see your spouse’s arms crossed and his or her lips curled downward don’t automatically assume they’re angry. Instead of automatically assuming your spouse is angry or upset about something and then asking what he or she is angry about. Imagine how you feel when you have your arms crossed and you lips curled down. Are you upset, angry, or just lost in thought? Think about how you would feel before you start making any assumptions.

When we first met our spouse, we loved him or her, even with all their bad habits. We overlooked the fact that he or she was sloppy or always late, and we focused on the things we loved about him or her. But now, five, ten, or twenty years later, we do the opposite. All we can see is the mess, or that our spouse is always late, or whatever the problem is. We forget, or more often take for granted all the things we loved about that person. This focus on the negative begins a vicious cycle in which we see only the negative, and then feel that’s all there is to that person, and then the relationship begins to spiral downward.

When this happens, take the time to sit quietly by yourself and remember what things were like when you first met you spouse. Remember all the things you loved. Remember the things you did together that were really fun. Ask yourself, how long has it been since you told your spouse what you appreciate about him or her. Then, after dinner and the kids have gone to bed, unplug the telephone, go to a nice relaxing place in the house, and tell your spouse what is on your list. Tell him or her some of the things you’ve been taking for granted, some of the things you’ve been overlooking in the relationship.

If you do this, and remember all the things you really love and appreciate about your spouse, and then take some time to talk to him or her about them, the results will be wonderful.

One of the keys to a happy relationship is to never make assumptions based on what you think a person’s body language is saying. Remove the mind reading and guesswork out of your communication. Don’t be a mind reader. Instead, be a curious observer.

Your children have a tremendous need to communicate with you. In fact, research has shown that the one factor that is more important than any other in the development of children is the amount of one-on-one time that parents spend with their children. When parents don’t spend a lot of time with their children individually , they send a message to their children that they are not very valuable or important. This causes children to experience feelings of inferiority, low self-esteem, and a negative self-image. And this will often lead to poor grades and behavioral problems.

When parents take the time to sit down with their children and ask questions and listen to what is going on in their minds, the children will feel a deep sense of value and importance. The children will have more self-confidence, happiness, and be better able to develop good relationships with others.

We have to remember that we are all value creators in everything we do. If you own a business, you have to create value for you employees or they will not continue to work for you. You have to continually create value for your customers or they won’t continue to do business with you. The same is true in your relationships, whether it is your spouse or a close personal friend. You have to constantly create value for the other person and satisfy their needs or they won’t stay in the relationship.

You don’t have to be superman or superwoman to properly balance the demands of your work and the needs of your family. You must, however, be more thoughtful, and be a better planner, use your time more effectively, and continually think of ways to enhance the quality of your life in both areas. If you set this as a goal and resolve to work toward it every day, you will gradually become far more efficient, effective, and a far happier person. And that is the most important achievement of all.

Copyright© 2005 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and achieve total success. A former ad agency executive and marketing consultant, Joe’s work in personal development focuses on helping his clients identify hidden marketable assets that create windfall opportunities and profits, as well as sound personal happiness and peace.

Reach Joe at: joe@jlmandassociates.com

Read more articles and newsletters at: http://www.jlmandassociates.com

Author: Dawn Fields

Gail was a quiet, shy, young lady. She has been quiet and shy for as long as she could remember. As a child, every time her mother introduced her children to someone, she would always introduce Gail as the shy, quiet child.

Gail had one sister and a brother and both of them were outgoing and quite sociable. Gail, on the other hand, kept to herself and found it quite difficult to make friends. But that didn’t bother her much. She didn’t really care about having friends. It never was anything that she strived to do.

She did quite well in school, but she never participated in any extra curriculum activities. She was too shy for that. She had simply accepted her mother’s and other’s “description” of her-the shy and quiet one.

It was easier to be quiet in college and sort of blend into the background without much effort. The classes were large; everyone went about his or her business-not focusing on her and that was all right with Gail.

When she graduated, she was hired as a librarian in a large, public library. The job seemed quite fitting for Gail because one of the requirements were to be quiet for the most part of the day. Not only was she not allowed to talk much, but others in the library were encouraged NOT to talk either. That fitted right up her alley.

However, there was a part of Gail that no one else, but Gail, knew about.

The secret that Gail had been holding inside all these many years is the fact that Gail loves to dance.

She has never had an opportunity to dance in public, but behind closed doors, she danced and danced and danced.

Ever since she was a small child, she had a great desire to dance.

From the age of 5, she would often lock herself in the bathroom, turn on her little transistor radio to the classical music station, and dance for hours. Her mother always wondered what she did in the bathroom for so many hours, but she never felt comfortable enough to share her “secret” with her mother. She told her mother that she was reading and the bathroom was the quietest room in the house. With her two very loud siblings, her mother accepted this explanation. The truth of the matter is, she would turn on the music and simply dance.

Gail never had any formal training in dancing, but she felt she was quite good at it. She had watched anything and everything that she could possibly watch on television or in the movies that related to dancing. She had also read books on dancing.

There was something about dancing that simply liberated Gail. She felt free. She felt excited. She felt as if she was lifted out of that “shy, quiet” exterior and was at one with the universe whenever she danced.

Now that she was an adult, she couldn’t wait to get home from work each day to dance. She would dance all around the apartment. She would blast her classical music and put on comfortable clothing and would dance all night. She simply couldn’t believe how she would feel each night after a bout of dancing. It was amazing. It would make her forget about all of her worries, troubles and stress that she was feeling during the day. It was so exhilarating and invigorating she could hardly contain herself.

She often thought about taking lessons but the shy Gail would take over and tell her that she couldn’t do it while others were around.

Dancing is Gail’s BLISS.

What is your BLISS?

What is it that gets you excited?

What can you get so involved in that you lose track of time?

What is it that you do that exhilarates you?

If you really think about it, you will find your bliss.

As a coach, I often have clients who tell me that they have no idea what their purpose in life may be. After working with them for a brief period of time, they realize that there are several things that they are interested in, they simply never thought about it before.

Once you discover YOUR BLISS, you will discover a way to live an exciting and invigorating life.

What’s stopping you?

ACTION POINT: This week make it a point to discover your bliss. Spend some time thinking about the one thing that gets you excited. Think about what you presently do that you can easily lose track of time while you’re doing it. You have a passion. You have a bliss. Discover it. Live it. You’ll be happy you did.

Dawn Fields is a motivational speaker, author and life coach who teaches how to discover your life’s purpose and incorporate it into a lucrative career. Visit her web site at http://www.dawnfields.com and be sure to sign up for Your Life’s Purpose newsletter by sending a blank email to dawn@dawnfields.com
with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Tune in Thursdays at 9 p.m. EST to her live radio broadcast at http://www.dawnfields.com/radioshow.htm

Author: Lisa Branigan

Did you know that according to research, children laugh about 400 times a day while adults only laugh about 15 times a day? Some how we lost the ability to laugh, as we got older. Could it be that putting more humour and laughter into our day will improve our health and wellbeing?

In an article written by Drs. Gael Crystal and Patrick Flanagan they stated that; "Scientists have found that laughter is a form of internal jogging that exercises the body and stimulates the release of beneficial brain neurotransmitters and hormones. Positive outlook and laughter is actually good for our health! More than ever, scientific evidence suggests that laughter really is one of the best medicines."

According to a study done by Dr. Tan from California’s Loma Linda University Medical Centre, laughter can have a huge impact on our immune system. The university conduced a study of average adults. One group of adults was subject to an hour of laughter through watching videos of comedians and another group sat quietly out of earshot of the first group.

What did they find? Through regular blood tests carried out during the comedy shows they found that the laughter group had an increase in good hormones and a decrease in the body’s stress hormone. Dr. Tan concluded that; "Laughter brings a balance to all the components of the immune system." Some clinics are now using this information with their patients. They are using laughter therapy to replace anti-depressants and to reduce the use of painkillers. According to researchers faking laughter will also produce the same health and wellbeing results as real laughter.

Do you need to improve your ability to laugh more?
Well here are some tips from Family Scientist, Herbert G. Lingren to help all of you, who are humour impaired, to add laughter and humour to your everyday life.

1. Hang around funny friends, or better yet, marry a funny partner.

2. Start looking for the absurd, silly, incongruous activities that go on around you each day.

3. Take a 5-10 minute humour break each day. Read jokes, add to a humour notebook, and listen to a funny tape.

4. Rent a comedy video, go to a funny movie, and watch humorous programs on television.

5. If you hear a joke you really like, write it down, or tell it to someone else to help you remember it.

My final tip would be to spend more time having fun with children maybe you will catch a few hundred laughs off them! Better still join a laughter club or start your own.

Lisa Branigan specialises in coaching women who are stressed, tired and overwhelmed with their busy lives. Lisa is the author of "Life Solutions" a free monthly e-zine providing tips, advice and information on self-care and wellbeing.

For more information contact Life Coach Lisa Branigan:
Email: lisa@quantumcoaching.com.au
Website: http://www.quantumcoaching.com.au

Author: Dr. Terry Hadaway

Are you tired of the same routine day after day? Do you feel as if today is only a speed bump in the road between yesterday and tomorrow? Well, you’re not alone! Many people live day-to-day with little hope for anything getting better. Some are trapped in corporate jobs where they are little more than rats in a maze. Others have routines at home that leave them uninspired and unchallenged.

There is hope for a better day. Try these seven suggestions:

1. Exercise Nothing gets your brain in gear like exercise. If you will start the day with a moderate workout, you likely will be more productive throughout the day.

2. Solve a problem You might choose a crossword puzzle or a brain teaser of some sort, but exercising your brain actually will help you solve other problems you face.

3. Read Set aside a portion of your day to read something inspirational or entertaining. Some people read comic strips while other people have daily devotional activities. Whatever you do, read something!

4. Laugh Life is too short to take it all so seriously. Enjoy life by finding humor in your daily activities.

5. Make a difference in someone else’s life Make it your point to make other people smile. From the server at the restaurant to the bank teller, people always are trying to make your life easier. Tell them you appreciate their effort and go out of your way to show them you care.

6. Admit your incompetence You don’t know how to do everything, so don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.” When you admit the limits of your knowledge or expertise you have the opportunity to validate someone else in his or her knowledge or expertise.

7. Learn something new Before the day ends, make it a point to stretch the limits of your knowledge by discovering something you don’t already know. Maybe you just need to look at a map and see where that city or country is located. Maybe you need to look up a word you find in a newspaper or magazine article. Whatever it is, there is something to learn today.

Of course, the first step to having a better day is your choosing to have a better day. Otherwise, you are destined to have todays and tomorrows that look a lot like your yesterdays!

Dr. Terry Hadaway is a leading authority in adult education and the author of several books and articles. Visit http://www.thinkezine.com for more information.

Author: Shamus Brown

You can be as happy as you want whenever you want. Zen masters have proven this

- all you have to do is just “be” with whatever you have right now. Yeah, I know. Sitting on

the floor contemplating your blank space may not be what you’re after. Highly successful

people are outrageously happy because they have fulfilling ways to meet their values. What

are values? Well I’m not talking about Dan Quayle and Murphy Brown, or Limp Bizkit’s recent

family values tour. Values are simply what is most important to you.
Do your values move you towards great possibilities? Is your energy directed towards

meeting your values in ways that excite you and make you stronger, capable of going for even

more? When you are clear on your values, your vision is bright, and you will feel primed to

go for it.

How To Achieve A Big Vision

• Get clear on your values
• Set specific outcomes that stretch you
• Model outstanding people who have similar achievements
• Take action and go for it 100%
• Be aware of what’s working and what’s not
• Change your approach until you get your outcome

Model For Rapid Success

The 21st Century - what an exciting time to be in business. We have eBusiness, eCommerce,eLove (well maybe not yet, but I’m sure some VC or Angel is working on it), eEtc. In this

competitive environment where everything is moving at eSpeed, modeling outstanding people is

the fastest way to eSuccess.

Highly Successful Entrepreneurial People

• They focus on what they want, rather than on what they fear
• They see what’s possible, where others lack vision
• When they are doing the right thing, they just know it
• They focus on the big picture, without getting lost in the details
• They are interested in how to get results now
• They take massive action and intelligent risks to get what they want.

© 1999-2004 Shamus Brown, All Rights Reserved.Shamus Brown is a Professional

Sales Coach and former high-tech sales pro who began his career selling for IBM. Shamus has

written more than 50 articles on selling and is the creator of the popular Persuasive

Selling Skills CD Audio Program. You can read more of Shamus Brown’s sales tips at
http://Sales-Tips.industrialEGO.com/
and you can learn more about his persuasive sales skills training at http://www.Persuasive-Sales-Skills.com/

Author: Roy Thomsitt

When I left England in 2000 there did not seem to be much happiness around. People in modern western society tend to be self focused to the extreme, prone to criticise rather than support or applaud, and with little time or inclination to devote to others. Relationships can be a battleground rather than a haven of mutual support. Thinking about it now, I did not know anyone who I could say was really happy. I was acquainted with a few who might have been in a state of happiness, but I did not know them well enough to be sure.

I think by nature I am a basically happy person, but modern life and attitudes can have a way of pummeling that out of you. When you are surrounded by unhappy, discontented people who are devoted to chasing the shadows of pure materialism, then it is going to affect you. People lose touch with what happiness is, and may even be dismissive if they sense that someone might actually be happy.

Happiness is no longer a natural state of being in Western society, and to those who have lost touch with what happiness is, a process of re-education may be needed. Here are a few things that may help you in that process:

1. Give time and focus to the things in your life that can make you happy; how can you be happy if you do not know what will make you happy?

2. Give time and attention to making those around you happy. If any of them are habitually self pitying and miserable, with no good reason, then maybe they should not have a place in your world.

3. Give time and attention to eliminating those elements of your life that are dragging you into the unhappiness mire. Pinpoint them, and then set about methodically either removing them or diminishing their influence.

4. How never to be jealous. If you see somebody else who seems happy and elated, feed positively off that happiness aura, and do  not mutter such negative responses as “oh, it’s alright for her, she doesn’t have my problems.” Reprimand yourself if ever you feel a twinge of jealousy.

5. If you find an element of your life that brings you happiness, remind yourself about it regularly. Feed it, let it grow. Never, ever take it for granted. Give the happiness itself attention, and it will burrow more deeply into your being.

I will now test you on number 4.
I am very happy, and have been for a few years now. I have all I need of a non-material nature: a wonderful wife; a beautiful and joyous 17 month old daughter; the ability to work online from home doing as I please; life on a magnificent tropical island that fulfils a childhood dream; and living amongst people of a generally happy disposition. All those things come together to give me as close to a perfect life I could have dared thought possible.

I say that not to arouse envy, but to get you to think: happiness is still possible, and should be celebrated, whoever the one who has the benefit. If you are not already doing so, you could soon be the one reading that aura of happiness; but it needs your attention, piece by piece.

Roy Thomsitt is owner and parts author of http://www.routes-to-self-improvement.com

Author: Sonny Julius

Yes, this is correct. Sunny Days are here to stay, that is, if
you want them to be. What’s that mean? Well, let me explain
it this way.

How do you feel when it’s a “sunny day” outside? When you
first awake and the sun is shining in your window doesn’t that
perk you up a bit? Now I realize there are days when you are
not feeling well, maybe there’s been a serious problem you
are facing or there are any number of things that nay not be
pleasant in your life. But overall with all those things
happening to you doesn’t a “sunny day” help you to feel at
least somewhat better about life? Don’t you feel much
better then when it’s a cloudy and rainy day outside?

I started using this phrase “have a sunny day” many years
ago in my greeting to people. It’s even at the end of my
voice mail message. I’ll never forget the day when I was
a salesmen and received a call on my voice mail from
one of my customers to call him. When I finally called him
back the first thing he said to me was, “Sonny are you
crazy it’s not a “sunny day” here it’s pouring down rain
outside”. I said , “I know it is but you missed my point, you
can have a “sunny day anytime you want because a
“sunny day” starts in the mind”. “Oh, he said, I never
thought of it that way” Many times over the years that
voice mail message always gets comments.

One of my favorite motivational speakers, Jim Rohn,
says you have got to decide on what your philosophy is
about your life. You’ve got to decide what excites you
about life. You’ve got to take responsibility for what
happens in your life. You shouldn’t just “fit in” to
someone else’s plan, design one of your own. He says
you have to live a disciplined life and stay disciplined
so you can get what you want. He goes on to say, It’s
true, we suffer one of two things. Either the pain of
discipline or the pain of regret. You’ve got to choose
discipline versus regret because discipline weighs
ounces and regret weighs tons.

I believe that makes things rather clear in my mind. How
about you? Whatever you want in your life you must
discipline yourself enough to get it no matter what it
takes. Now of course that means without harm to
another person. Now to add to this, Robert Stuberg,
of Success .com says “your thoughts control your life,
your life is not controlled by random events, UNLESS
you want them to be”. ” You are NOT a victim of others
actions UNLESS you THINK you are” He goes on to say,
“if you don’t like something in your life, you have the
POWER to change it” …. if you desire something in your
life, it’s in your POWER to change it” Then he
emphasizes, “Change Your Thoughts And You Will
Change Your Life”

When you get right down to it, we all know life can be very
challenging at times, life can deliver cruel punches, life
can deal us some big problems sometimes. Usually our
only defense is to build up a strong positive attitude to
ward off these situations in our lives. We just need to get
more “tough skinned”.

My wife and I live in a manufactured home community in
Florida six months out of the year and we have made
many new friends. One of those, however, is one of the
most remarkable ones we have ever met. Angie is just
amazing. Attractive, fun -loving, usually has a big smile.
But Angie has a big and unusual health problem. I’ve
never understood all the details of her illness but it was
caused many years ago when she was diagnosed with
polio. And it was before they had a cure for it.

Over the years it’s affected her whole body. She walks
with a cane. One leg is shorter than the other one.
One foot is smaller than the other foot. It’s painful for
her to walk, too. Consequently she’s on very strong
medication which has to be changed periodically
because it loses it’s effectiveness. Just recently she
showed up at the weekly bingo with velcro braises on
both arms. Despite all this she’s a real “cut up”
whenever you are around her. At home her husband
says she really goes through some challenging times
but she “bounces back” eventually. He says he don’t
know how she handles all the pain. He says she’s
“unbelieveable”.

I don’t know about you but when I have some
difficulties to face in my life I try to think just how
fortunate I am to be fairly healthy. If you are not quite
as fortunate as I I’m sure there is always someone
else you know of that is worse off. Anyway remember
what Jim Rohn And Robert Stuberg say and begin to
do the necessary things to have a “sunny day” in your
life everyday. Good Luck!

Copyright © 2004 All Rights Reserved http://AbsolutelySenior.com

Sonny Julius is a 74 year old retired sales supervisor, Prior to his sales career he spent 30 years in the family florist business. Becoming dissatisfied with that business he decided it was time to leave it and pursue a sales career. His interest in the internet eventually led him to write an ebook geared to senior citizens. The ebook is a guide for living the senior lifestyle.

In addition he offers a Free 20-minute no obligation phone coaching session to anyone interested in enhancing his or her present lifestyle. Email for more information: mailto:sonnyj@absolutelysenior.com

Sonny Julius, President of S A & Associates, is devoted to teaching senior citizens “How To Have The Time Of Their Life For The Rest Of Their Life” For more information go to: http://www.thesunnysenior.com

Author: Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler

When you’re in love your eyes and your face light up. And so do four tiny portions of your brain. "Falling in love" is a brain condition!

Neurobiologists Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki of University College in London used fMRI brain scans to peer into the brains of college students in the throes of that crazed, "can’t-think-of-anything-else" stage of early romantic love.

When the subjects were shown photographs of their sweethearts, the fMRI images showed that four parts of their brains "lit up."

The researchers compared the MRI images to brain scans taken from people in different emotional states, including sexual arousal, feelings of happiness and cocaine-induced euphoria. But the pattern for romantic love was unique.

Interestingly, looking at a picture of their loved one also reduced activity in three portions of the brain active when one is upset or depressed.

** Is Love Addictive?

When you fall in love your skin flushes, you breathe heavy, and your palms tend to sweat.

Why? Because your brain is experiencing a biochemical rush of dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine - all close chemical cousins to amphetamines.

But it’s easy to build up a tolerance to these stimulating biochemicals.

Then, as with any other tolerance, it takes more of the substance to get that special feeling of infatuation.

Some neuroscientists theorize that folks who jump from one new relationship to another are biochemically "hooked" on the intoxication of falling in love.

But interestingly, in the case of enduring romance, the presence of one’s partner stimulates the production of endorphins. Endorphins are the "feel good" biochemicals that also generate "runner’s high." They are also natural pain-killers.

** The Biology of “Romance”

Recent research suggests that romantic attraction is actually a primitive, biologically-based drive just like hunger or thirst.

The biology of romance helps account for why we might travel cross-country for a single kiss, and plunge into hopeless despair if our beloved turns from us. It’s the drive for romance that enables us to focus on one particular person, although we often can’t explain why.

"What we’re seeing here is the biological drive to choose a mate ? to focus on one person to the exclusion of all others," claims Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University.

Research has proven that romantic attraction activates portions of the brain with high concentrations of receptors for dopamine, Fisher explains. And dopamine is the brain’s "chemical messenger" connected to states of euphoria, craving and addiction.

Other scientific studies have linked high levels of dopamine (and a related agent — norepinephrine) to heightened attention and short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeplessness and goal-oriented behavior.

Sound like love?

When they first fall in love, Fisher explains, couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: Increased energy, less need for sleep or food, and highly focused attention.

** The Psychology of Love

Poets and song writers have long claimed that the power of the biochemical state we call "romantic love" is enough to blind one’s judgment. And we all know how new lovers tend to idealize their partner — magnifying their virtues, and explaining away their flaws.

But although "love may be blind," take hope!

Pamela Regan, a Cal State LA researcher, believes such "idealization" may be crucial to building a long-term relationship. "If you don’t sweep away the person’s flaws to some extent, you’re just as likely to end a relationship," she claims.

"This at least gives you a chance," Regan feels. "If you think of romantic attraction as a kind of drug that alters how you think, then in this case it’s allowing you to take some risks you wouldn’t otherwise take."

Not a bad thing!

But if passionate romance is like a drug, as the MRI images suggest, then it’s bound to lose its kick. But perhaps viewing romance as a biologically based, drug-like state can at least provide some balm for a broken heart.

** Healthy Romanticizing

In a 1996 experiment, psychologists at the State University of New York at Buffalo followed a group of 121 dating couples. Every few months the couples answered questionnaires to determine how much they idealized their partner, and how well their relationship was doing.

The researchers discovered that the couples who idealized each other the most were closest one year later.

© 2004 All Rights Reserved

The author, Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler, is a doctor of psychology, pioneer brain/mind researcher, and former advisor to the Pentagon, a Presidential Commission, and numerous top executives and executive teams. The author of several books and hundreds of articles, she is also the co-founder of quantum-self.com, and the Creative Director of the Self Discovery Community. She can be reached at: drjill@quantum-self.com

Come visit the exciting Self Discovery Community. Discover the most interesting, unusual, stimulating and creative methods of self discovery on the web today! Free sizzling weekly ezine, and the web’s first Brain Gym ezone. http://www.quantum-self.com

Author: Jodie Foster

Did you know that it’s up to you?

It’s actually your choice.

You can choose to be happy instead of waiting around for it
to suddenly appear out of nowhere one day and land in your
lap. Happiness is called upon and cultivated.

Now keep in mind, this is my personal perspective of
happiness. You might have a different view. Everyone has a
unique view point, especially where emotion is concerned.
But, nonetheless, I like my outlook on happiness. It helps
me to see that I am the creator of my own thoughts and state
of mind. It is my choice what feeling I choose to have on
any given day. This does not mean I don’t go with the flow
of feelings, but that I can choose at any given moment to
change what it is I desire.

For example, if I am having a hectic day, and I do have my
share, I can choose to be breathless with activity or I can
remind myself to stop and choose to be calm. I can go out
for a walk and embrace the beauty that surrounds me and
choose to experience that aesthetic as appreciation,
gratitude, joy or numbness. I can choose to vacate and
disconnect from my feelings, I can space out and be
oblivious, or I can call upon the grace of the moment and be
one with the beauty. These are all options.

I think we as a society, collectively lose sight of how
powerfull we really are. I mean really full of power. We
have the power to choose. It is something we are born with.

No one has the power to take that away from us. It is our
birthright.

The key to owning that power fully, is to accept that you
are a rightful heir to it. Knowing that you are empowered
within to choose your emotion, to choose how you respond or
react to something, is all up to you. It is all choice.

Many times, our childhood experiences and life learning gear
us away from our power. We learned to give it all away, to
quietly accept whatever happens to us, without question,
without standing up and saying ‘No!’ We have become a
passive society of powerless and uninspired automatons,
going along with the crowd. It’s a sad state of affairs
that we have been raised in. Somewhere along the line, a
standard was laid out and we are ‘expected’ to magically
meet this invisible ’standard’ by compromising and living
according to someone else’s perspectives. Where is the
happiness in that?

I guess that leads me back to my original statement.

Choosing happiness is a choice.

Anytime you choose, you are making a decision. You are
engaging your power.

Think about how you are feeling right now. How long has it
been since you chose what you wanted to feel?

I am not suggesting that you go into a state of denial if
you are in trauma, but I am suggesting that you insert a new
option for yourself. Instead of sitting in pain, decide for
10 minutes that you will focus on happiness.

How does it make you feel? Are you lighter? Was a burden
lifted? Even if it was a mere 10 minutes, it was a starting
point. It was a choice. Would you rather go through life
choosing happiness and drawing happy experiences to you, or
by sitting in pain and expecting the worst, thereby feeling
the worst?

It is still a choice.

It is your choice.

I ask only that this stirs a thought within you. It is my
hope that you will look at the power you possess and carpe
diem - seize the day! Make a choice! Choose to experience
happiness in your life.

It’s all up to you.

Enjoy - or not- it’s your choice.

© 2004 Jodie Foster

Jodie Foster is an Intuitive Counselor who assists clients to create extraordinary transformations in their everyday lives. Her work is uplifting, empowering and success-oriented. You can visit Jodie’s website at http://www.illuminationsnetwork.com for further information and to schedule a private intuitive session. You can also look for weekly updates to her blog at: http://intuitiveinnovations.blogspot.com.

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Author: Lorraine Cohen

“Happiness is the whole aim and end of human existence” - Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony” - Mahatma Gandhi

Underlying the reasons why clients have come to me over the years is the desire for happiness. What is happiness? Conventional wisdom often defines happiness as status, financial security, worldly goods, possessions, lifestyle, accomplishments etc. I have met many very successful people, who seemed to have it all; who have come to me saying they felt something was missing from their life - they weren’t happy! They say, “I want to be happy. What do I do?” What I have come to know is that things and people do not create happiness. Feeling happy as a response to an external experience adds to our own happiness, but is not the true source of happiness. Why? Happiness is a state of being, independent of external influences and situations.

In a gem of a book called, What Happy People Know by Dan Baker, Ph.D, he defines happiness as ” A way of life - an overriding outlook composed of qualities such as optimism, courage, love, and fulfillment. ” He says, “We all have a neurological fear system embedded within our brains that once helped us survive, but now limits our lives. This biological circuitry of fear is the greatest enemy of happiness!”

According to Baker, “Happiness is a by-product for the condition (state of being, outlook on life) that comes from several indispensable qualities. The sum of the following qualities is happiness.”

The Twelve Qualities of Happiness

1. Love - the antidote to fear and an essential quality of happiness. Love renews and energizes the human Spirit.

2. Optimism - provides power over painful events to be able to see the profound value of the experience.

3. Courage -the strongest weapon for overcoming the lightening fast power of the fear system.

4. A sense of freedom -freedom is choice. Using courage to exercise choice is true freedom.

5. Proactivity - actively participating in creating your destiny and forging your own happiness.

6. Security - liking who you are on the inside and developing a strong inner foundation that will last a lifetime.

7. Health - health and happiness are interdependent. It’s hard to feel happy if you don’t feel healthy and vice versa.

8. Spirituality - having the connection to a Higher Power, Spirit, God, or Religion extends the boundaries of our own lives for extraordinary experiences.

9. Altruism - helping other people and contributing to the quality of their life fulfills a sense of purpose and personal satisfaction.

10. Perspective - - being able to see shades of gray and knowing how to prioritize problems (challenges?) into possibilities and opportunities. Seeing the big picture!

11. Humor - Humor is the shift of perception that gives you the courage to take action. By lifting the suffering off the heart, humor empowers the Spirit to heal it.

12. Purpose - understanding why you are here on this earth and doing the things you were meant to do.

* You can find this list on page 19

Baker states, “other qualities such as confidence, self-esteem, fulfillment, and peace of mind are important” without the list being long. “Not all of these qualities must be present or in equal amounts to be happy. Most of them must be abundant for someone to experience the kind of lasting rock-solid happiness that endures even when life gets tough. ”

What’s your definition of happiness?

Exercise:

Over the next month, review the list of qualities for happiness. Select one or more qualities to focus your attention. For example: Taking action on things you have been procrastinating (proactive), extending yourself to help someone else for the joy of it (altruism), or taking better care of your body (health). At the end of 30 days, celebrate taking another step to increase your happiness level!

Copyright 2004, Lorraine Cohen

Lorraine Cohen of http://www.powerfull-living.biz is a Business Coach and Life Strategist and Team Member of Solo-E.com. Lorraine Cohen is a Business Coach & Life Strategist who brings more than 25 years of experience in life coaching, counseling, and sales. She helps people through career change, life transitions, and the process of breaking through FEAR and removing barriers to success.

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